Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
