If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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