how do flat chested girls get laid?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
