oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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