I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
