the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
