State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My pussy is not your playground.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
