I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
