just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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