none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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