if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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