he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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