Don't you send me to vm
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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