Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
