Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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