we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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