My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
