my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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