3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
