i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
