I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
