I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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