I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
