Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
