My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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