i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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