goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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