i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
