Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
