Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
