Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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