kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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