Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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