eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
