You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
false alarm, still single
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