if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize