Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
