I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
