Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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