my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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