you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
