I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
