Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
