I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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