I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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