a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
