i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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