I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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