she looked like the bat from fern gully.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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