just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize