He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
