Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
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