whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
