you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
