First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
