I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
