I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
