She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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