Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
