I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
