im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
