Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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