she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
