Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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