My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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