apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
