you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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