I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
