she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
