i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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