I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
