In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i now understand why vodka
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize