fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
