is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
