It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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