All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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