Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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