Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
