She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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