you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
