Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
