Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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