It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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