similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
