I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
